………..We Returned to the Ethic of ‘Do Not as I do……’

When I were a lad some 150 years ago – well, perhaps not quite that much, it just seems like it sometimes - and discipline was fashionable,  a favourite ethic of those in a position to impose this discipline was “ do not as I do but as I tell you to do”. In the latter part of the 20th. century this ethic, like many others, fell markedly into disrepute and on mature reflection I have to ask myself – why ? It could just be the normal human objection to being told what to do. It could be due to a resentment fostered by being compelled to an unwelcome course of action by persons not willing to do likewise themselves. There could be an incipient feeling of injustice. It could just be the application of Newton’s third law that ‘to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction’ ! Some further investigation is obviously required.

It is usually not a bad idea to start at the beginning. The problem is that with this one I can’t find the beginning !  Search as I may I cannot find any source or derivation for this particular piece of catechism so, right from the outset, we appear to be on our own. However, it shouldn’t be too difficult to work something out so let’s make a start. Given any species where the young are reared by their parents and further, given the circumstance that difficulty or danger threatens and finally given the circumstance that the parents, from a lifetime’s experience, will recognise the impending problems where the inexperienced young will not, then the survival of those young could well depend on instant and unquestioning obedience. The Army adopts the same principle for the same reason and in times of conflict the consequences for those who do not follow the rules are frequently terminal.

We all learn by example. We see skills demonstrated, processes illustrated and described,  mathematical axioms proved and learn to know what we can safely eat and where to draw the line. However it may well be that the only teacher, or person with appropriate knowledge, available in a given family, or even in a given community, knows very well how something should best be done but is, in practice, quite incapable of doing it well. Using my knowledge of Physics and having paid attention in Art Class in school I can tell you which colours go with what, how they will mix and match, how to put a preliminary ‘wash’ on to paper when preparing to paint a watercolour – the whole bag of tricks, but I can’t put it into practice. Why can’t I put it into practice –  (i) I’m colour blind and (ii) my hands do not do with a paintbrush what my brain instructs them to do!  If you do as I do you will get what I get – a mess. If you listen to what I tell you to do, watch what is happening as you do it and have a certain amount of natural aptitude - you will, very probably,  produce a picture !

It may well be that I have led a very dissolute life; taken drugs , become involved in petty crime (or even not so petty crime) to fund the drug taking and generally lived my life in the gutter, so to speak. I manage, with or without third party help, to drag myself out of this viciously descending spiral and eventually to normalise my life. I may become persuaded to use my experiences to help others to avoid the hell that I went through, by following a different path to that which I trod. Do you listen and do as I say or do you go your own way and do as I did ? In practise, of course, the majority, these days, do the latter because they have been brought up to do just as they damn well please because there are no sanctions if they don’t. It is, however readily apparent to all those with the wit to think about it that the former course is really to be preferred.

In my formative years, when children still read books, Charles Kingsley’s book ‘The Water Babies’ was still very much in fashion. The moralising tale of Mr. Grimes, the chimney sweep, and his assistant Tom, whose adventures occupy most of the story, was dominated by the activities of two elderly harridans (sorry, I meant ladies) by the names of Mrs. Doasyouwouldbedoneby and Mrs. Bedonebyasyoudid. The names, if you say them slowly, are self explanatory but I’ll harp on a bit notwithstanding. The former would lay down the rules and set the standards of behaviour for a way of living toward which Tom was attempting to aspire; the latter administered retribution on all those occasions when Tom fell short of his target !!

We are not born good, we are not born obedient, we are not born disciplined and we are certainly not born civilised. There is very little in this life more selfish, more demanding, more inconsiderate more indisciplined and more uncivilised than a new born mammal of whatever species – and human babies being the most complex are arguably the worst. Since such characteristics as obedience, tolerance, unselfishnes, generousity, forbearance, honesty and a host of others too numerous to mention but which are all necessary to civilisation are, on the whole at odds with nature’s basic instincts they will not materialise naturally. If what we have come to regard as civilised society is to survive then these latter characteristics have to be taught and, indeed, imposed. Since such characteristics are at odds with our basic instincts this imposition will be resisted and all the clever theorising by social scientists – who are usually neither social nor scientific –and by the plethora of ‘experts’- loosely defined as ‘former drip’ – who constantly bombard us with imaginary visions of a life completely at variance with experience, will not make it more acceptable.

All other mammalian species - and I am confining myself to a consideration of mammals to avoid the introduction of a plethora of other variables – have the same problem in varying degrees dependent on the complexity of the structure of their societies. They all administer corrective punishments. These punishments are short, sharp, instantaneous, often extremely painful and, above all, usually very effective. In the cases where the punishment is not effective the common result is the eventual non - survival of the offspring concerned. If, in earlier times you persistently disobeyed the instruction not to wander off by yourself then you very likely finished up making a meal for a lion – which effectively discontinued whichever gene made you that stupid.
We consider elsewhere the implications of attempting to defeat nature by encouraging the indiscriminate survival of genes that nature itself would determine to be risk to the survival of the species as a whole so I will not pursue this further here. I will just make the point that it is only possible to go so far in diluting the gene pool with genes that are not 100% directed toward the survival of the species before the species concerned joins the other 90%+ that have ceased to survive.

By means of the indiscriminate slaughter of other species, of advances in medicine (which again usually result, however desireably from our point of view, in the wholesale slaughter of other species - however microscopic), of the application of science to our environment, our food production and to ourselves and of the imposition of a system of law we have, over a considerable part of the planet, considerably reduced the risk to survival even for those who don’t abide by the rules that made it all possible. The more civilised that we delude ourselves into thinking that we have become the more do we put the whole rickety structure at risk – but, again, we digress !

If you try to train a child in the same way as you would train a dog you will finish up with – a dog ! Even when training a dog we have to acknowledge that the human way of doing this is nothing like the way a dog would be trained in a natural environment – by other dogs. All you get doing it your way is an inferior dog. An obedient dog, maybe – but probably only when you are looking. Now, I am not arguing that the techniques currently used in animal training are wrong in context. What I am saying is that such training makes these animals completely unsuitable for their natural environment and totally unable to lead a normal life. It makes them eminently suitable to live our lives with us and, subject to the occasional regression, become subservient to us. That same training makes human young totally unsuitable for the environment in which they find themselves and the life that they will have to lead.

Human young need to be trained by the same methods as are used by other mammalian parents and which were, indeed used by the bulk of human parents until recently. That system enabled us to survive, very much against the odds, thus far. That the present system is not working is manifestly evidenced by the state of our society and the current state of our young. It was not a perfect system of punishment, it was open to abuse by those doing the punishing, but it was reasonably effective and it was certainly cost effective. The current system is mostly imperfect, is open to abuse by those being punished, is reasonably ineffective and is totally cost ineffective. We pat the little darlings on the head, ask them not to do it again and send them on their way. We then seriously think that at 18 years old, having had 18 years of doing what they liked, when they liked, how they liked, with whom they liked, with no sort of retribution that actually worried them that they are suddenly going to change and start obeying the law. Just how totally stupid is that ?

Corporal punishment is used by every other member of the mammalian species. It has been part of our survival kit since before we first started to walk on our hind legs. To claim now, on the basis of arguments that appeal more to the emotions than to either common sense, logic or the evidence, that it is wrong is really quite inexcuseably stupid. I was caned (and slippered) - and I usually deserved it!  I only harbour resentment for one occasion - which was manifestlly unjust – but I can accept that to err is human and no harm was done. Punishment is, by definition,  meant to punish. To punish, is by definition, to cause  (an offender) to suffer for an offence. We currently do not punish our young for their transgressions – we play at it. As a result they laugh at us all the way to their next transgression.. Punishment must punish. If what we mete out in the name of punishment is of little or no concern to the offender then it is not a punishment. The young skive off school as easily as they do because they are totally unconcerned as to the consequences – long term, short term and in every sense of the word. They are not punished. There is little point in listing long lists of examples – so I won’t but there is a considerable list to support my point of view.

Add to this the fact that juvenile offenders cannot be named is, in the present climate, to add farce to stupidity. Three strikes and out. Hang them out to dry and punish them publicly. Sooner or later, if we are going to stop the rot, we are going to have to get rough. Sooner or later the pendulum is going to start to swing back – it always does and the sooner it does it the less violent and extreme will be the change. It is part of human nature that we always let things go too far one way before calling a halt, doing an about turn and repeating the process in the opposite direction – and we always over compensate. We are fast reaching the limit of what society will stand and a measured turn around is to be favoured over a violent one. Bring back the cane, bring back the stocks (with some control) bring back public ridicule. You’ll be amazed at the response.

Child care has to be put back where it belongs – with the parents. Discipline has to be put back where it belongs – with the parents..In the early years this, almost inevitably means with the mother. I can hear the screams already but we’ll come back to that one! If the parents cannot, or will not, impose this necessary discipline then steps must be taken instantly, and from a great height, to educate, and if necessary punish, them until they do. If, in the final analysis, they can’t or won’t, then the children must be taken into care – at the parents’ expense. Not the farcical rubbish that passes for care today but real care that starts with a totally disciplined environment. The position of a child should be on a par with a member of the armed forces – they should do what they are told, when they are told, without argument and with sufficient deterrent that it actually happens. The old Victorian adage that they should be ‘seen and not heard’ should apply until they become of age.

Parents are responsible for their children until they come of age – both of them. They are responsible for creating them, they are responsible for raising them, they are responsible for disciplining them, they are responsible for teaching them the good manners and all of the acceptable practices and necessary skills which it is vital for them to know in order that they might fit into the society in which they find themselves. They are reponsible for their childrens’education in so far as they ensure that the children concerned asiduously apply themselves to getting it. A significant majority of parents are, to put it bluntly, blatantly disregarding these responsibilities. One parent must be in a position to take minute to minute responsibility for the children and, except in very individual and special circumstances they cannot do this and engage in paid employment aswell. As has already been pointed out, they had to do this when the lions were prowling at the door and for different reasons it is still necessary today. And yes, when the lions were prowling at the door the parents did have to be behind them every minute of the day – or they got eaten. So I do not want to hear any more of that hoary old excuse.

I appreciate that the grass is always greener in the next field but it is an unalterable fact of life that the woman bears the children. But for the benefits of science it would be necessary for the woman to feed the young children – and it is an abuse of science that many of them do not. They won’t like being told that but it is, nevertheless, true. The old saw that runs – ‘a women’s place is in the home’ is as true today as it ever was and many of our society’s problems stem from the fact that we so frequently ignore it. The necessity for both parents to work stems from greed and is fed by greed. Prices will always follow the money – up or down. If all famililies lived on one wage prices would soon adapt themselves to this state of affairs. Most of what we buy today is, in any case and by any measure, totally unnecessary.

If we wish to live in a decent society we are going to have to forego some of the materialistic luxuries that we venerate so much and concentrate on the way we run our lives. There is no law that says that the ‘western civilisation’ has to survive. At the present rate of progress, and for many of the same reasons, it is very likely to follow the Egyptian, Greek and Roman civilisations into oblivion. Fortunately – I shall be dead !!